Years ago, I worked with a student—let's call her Claire. Claire lived with her engineer parents, a parakeet, and a rabbit in a big old house by the ocean. She was brainy and quiet. She chewed her hair when she talked.
I liked Claire. I got to know her over several years, and I appreciated how lovingly she cared for her pets and how much she enjoyed piano and anything STEM.
During her sophomore year, Claire decided she was tired of her public LA high school and talked her parents into looking at boarding schools on the East Coast. In time, she picked a big-name school in Connecticut and upon arriving there, became terribly homesick. But though she wanted to come home immediately, she didn't.
When I saw Claire a year later, she seemed...different. She was still quietly tending to her pets, still planning on a career in engineering, but now she was wearing a mini-skirt and sparkly eyeshadow, and she seemed tremendously self conscious. When she told me about boarding school, I got the sense she was utterly miserable, but she was staying there to prove she wasn't a quitter.
Nothing against eyeshadow, but it wasn't Claire's vibe. At all.
Every school has its shadow side
See, when Claire had initially visited this boarding school with her parents, she was blown away by its magnificent history and prestige. What the tour guide didn't mention was the school's checkered past and cutthroat social scene: the school's shadow side.
In the spirit of Carl Jung, I use the term "shadow side" to describe the hidden, repressed aspects of a school. Shadows aren't inherently bad —they are a necessary part of any being! But it is absolutely essential to know that every school has one—and when it comes to a school you are considering, that you know what it is.
Latest video — How to figure out the shadow side of a school
In this week's video, I offer my best advice for sussing out the less-desirable aspects of a school, be it a lack of diversity, a peevish administration, or an unhealthy quotient of bros. Highlights include:
✅ The best online resources for researching a school's vibe
✅ A trick to use when touring schools
✅ How to figure out if you are actually compatible with a school
Nearly all of these same tools could help you figure out if a boarding school is toxic, too!
For families of high school juniors...
Now is an ideal time to start putting together an inspired college list. When you leave lots of time, the process can go from being stressful and chaotic to enlightening and fun. I promise!
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