Octavia's parents were concerned. Octavia's parents were annoyed. Octavia's college applications would soon be due, and she was an accomplished student, and yet she...simply wasn't completing them.
When I talked with Octavia, she admitted that she was stressed. We would brainstorm some ideas, I would help her set a reasonable goal for herself, and she would perk up a bit. When we met the following week, though, her essays were no further along than before. She was officially stuck. Okay, not completely stuck. She was averaging, like, nine words a week.
I have often worked with the families of students with mysterious blocks...students who, all of a sudden, stop going to class, stop completing their work, students who "mess up" their GPAs, or students like Octavia who for whatever reason, seem unable to overcome resistance. Octavia's dad was the one who finally, in his frustration, vented some feelings I had sensed in the background for weeks. "Octavia has it so much better than I ever did, and yet she can't seem to get it together and write these stupid essays." Ouch!
We need every tool we can get our hands on
Parental envy is real. I have felt it myself, say, when it's taking over an hour to get my kids into bed, and I start to sense the presence of a green resentment, and there it is, a small yet fiery voice whispering, "You better be enjoying all this gentle parenting you're getting, Bucko!"
Would you like another bedtime story? My bedtime story was the closing credits of MASH
But in spite of our feelings, I think it's safe to say that we and our kids are facing a wild world and will benefit from every tool available to us. And when it comes to overcoming blocks (which usually seems to be related to burnout and exhaustion), sometimes the simplest tools are the best. For us parents, that can mean taking a walk or having a good cry. And for our kids, trying out the practice of "body doubling" might help shift everything.
I know this might be controversial, but I personally find green apples to be just too sour, and red apples can tend to be too mealy. What's a fruit lover to do?
In this week's video, I break down the weirdly named productivity tool called "body doubling," which we can thank the ADHD community for popularizing and which can be helpful for anyone struggling to complete a task.
Highlights include:
✅ What body doubling is and why it works
✅ Why parents aren't always the best body doubles (and who might be)
✅ How to help your student (or yourself!) get free from procrastination
Hope you find it helpful!
For families of high school juniors...
Now is an ideal time to start putting together an inspired college list. When you leave lots of time, the process can go from being stressful and chaotic to enlightening and fun. I promise!
Happy to help
I will be creating various workshops and courses in the coming months. If you have any specific feedback on what would be most helpful, please fill out my survey below! Big thanks to everyone who already given me some great ideas.
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